mess

It has never crossed my mind to make you feel suffocated and not having any space. It really never ever crossed my mind. It has been a really tough journey for us to reach till here. As much as you are struggling, I am struggling too. I know its hard. But not having response from you, do you know how I felt? I just feel like I am hanging somewhere, not knowing what to do anymore. But still, I kept trying. I just pray that we can move on together. Sometimes, I just ask myself, why is it that I keep trying? And I kept praying to God and asking Him too. I know that through this period of time, God wants me to learn and lean more unto Him as it is by Gods strength that I am able to do it, and not by my own. Just as you want to move on, I want to move on too. I have been trying to move on in life, but somehow I just dont feel the peace in me. Sometimes, for no reason, I just have that kind of feeling that its as if im gonna sit for an exam later. I dont know why such a feeling surfaces. I thank God that at least I did not harden myself against Him, but instead draw closer to Him and to seek Him more. It is really amazing how God has guided me through so far, though I am still in the process. O Lord, please free me.

unexpected

I dont know why, but it is always during training that I will feel good, especially during workout. This is something that I really look forward to every week. I just felt that God was with me, guiding me through every step I take in training. No matter how bad my knees may hurt at times, it was always by God's grace that I was able to run through the pain and hang in there to complete my workouts. For Monday's workout, we did 400m times 6 times 2 sets. The first set felt good and the second set was slower. Nevertheless, I have never imagined that I would do such a timing with quite consistent pace. I did felt God's presence while I was running. Even when I felt I giving up because I was really tired and legs were like they cant take it anymore. But I believed that it was because of God's grace, I was able to complete it. Adding on, pushing myself mentally really wasnt easy. Sometimes, thoughts just come into my mind and I will get distracted. I know that I have to focus during training and so, I prayed to God and asked that I will focus and not think about anything. And indeed, I was able to focus when I run. I believe God answers prayers. Praise God! :)

Talking about training on Wednesday, I was really tired on this day, didn't really have the mood to train, but still, I went. The workout given was 120m times 4 after which, 200m times 6. It was all speed based. The 120m was like mad, because I went like all out for it and thighs were gonna give way. But I thank God for bringing me through it. While doing the 200m, I felt light when I was running and I just opened my stride when I run. This was for the first 2 sets. For the third set and above, I felt that the speed was there as I ran began to ran faster. Jac pushed me for these few sets so I was able to below 40s. Really thank God for her presence and definitely Tsexin too! Also, thank God for bringing me through the 200m times 6. To be honest, I didnt expect myself to be able to do such timings after the 120m times 4 because the thighs are really gonna give way anytime and I was really tired. I felt quite mentally drained too. I think if I did not have the mental, I would not have been able to complete the workout with those timings. Thank God I was able to focus and yes, I felt God's presence. Praise the Lord! :)

Lean unto God, and He will bring you through.

'I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.' Philippians 3:14

For the past one month plus, I would say it has been the most down period in my life. I wasn't able to smile like how i used to. I thank God for His grace and strength that carried me through each and everyday in this one month plus. It was not easy at all. I have been putting a strong front in front of everyone because I thought that I could do it. But, the actual fact was that I was not able to do it. People asked me the same things like 'are you okay?', 'very tired, stressed, depressed and etc.?'. And i did not know how to answer them. I really appreciate their concern towards me. I feel kind of bad just lying through saying that I am okay, when actually deep inside me I am totally not okay at all. But I just had to do this.

During this period of time, I really went through alot. It was so tough that I really just could not handle it. So, I just decided to submit everything to God. And praise God that His grace brought me through this tough time.

Through this setback, I really learnt alot and have indeed become more mature in handling things, be it in relationships or with family. It really is indeed a great lesson learnt. Thank God for His grace and strength in guiding me through, be it in running, working and studying. Praise God! :)

His grace is sufficient for me.

Today's workout felt quite draining. I just cant stop sneezing and sniffing before training, i dont know why either. It just suddenly came and I didnt feel good at all when I was training. I felt really drained and tired. The workout was 1000m, 800m and 400m. Afterwhich, another 4 times 400m. Throughout the whole workout, my body felt really tired, guess because I wasnt feeling too good. And, I couldnt focus like how I did for the previous 2 trainings. I dont know whats the reason but it just felt this way. Still, I thank God for guiding me through the workout. Really glad that i finished the workout despite how uncomfortable I was feeling and it was raining quite heavily too while we were doing the workout. Thank God that I dont have fever. :) Glory be to God!

The workout today was 500m times 8 times with 1.5 minutes rest interval. During the workout, I felt good. The timings that I did were really unexpected. There is just this good feeling that I had when I was doing the workout. I believe that the presence of God was with me guiding me through the workout. Though it was tiring and my thighs were aching and my knees hurt, but still, it was a good one. Nice experience that I had. Praise God! :)